I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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