i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
