it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
