Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
