That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
