You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
