i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
