I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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