Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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