He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
