I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's never too late to be topless.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
