My liver just broke up with me...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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