I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
