oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize