There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
