are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
