O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
