so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
