ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
