She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
