You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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