I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
