i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
