So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
