people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's never too late to be topless.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
