he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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