I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
