im so drunk with asians
where?
always
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize