i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
