a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
