Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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