PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
