I'm going to jail i love you
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
