I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
