Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
