then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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