I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
