We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
only if we run a train.
done.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
