you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
