She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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