I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
