and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
