Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
