Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
