Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
