Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
