Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
