We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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