I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
