I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
