He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
