so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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