A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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