I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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