i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I met the friendliest cop last night
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
