i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
