Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
