i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
