Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
