I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
