Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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