I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
