Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
