don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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