sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
